Sunday Night Menu

Macaroni & Cheese
(actually used about half a box of curly Rotini)
boiled in a pot with a tablespoon of olive oil and plenty of salt

mixed four tablespoons of butter & two of milk, salt pepper parsley, and five melted cheese slices of Kraft

half can of spam cut in cubes and mixed with Rotini
tablespoon of olive oil

Garlic Green Beans

bag of French green beans
three tablespoons of sesame oil
salt, pepper
crushed garlic aplenty mashed with a spoon of butter

all fried in a pan

Barbecue Sauce Marinated Chicken

1 and a half cup of veg oil
2 cups of barbecue sauce (Sweet Baby Rays)
parsley, oregano, salt pepper

4 chicken breasts
marinated for about 2 hours

will cook in pan



Some soul food for a rainy Sunday... will enjoy with a perfect neighbor and a loving boyfriend.

My Weekend

Listening to: Sorry Sorry Answer & Good Night Moon

It wss a stressful weekend. Surely not the type of weekend you'd dream about, but it made me appreciate our home even more.

On Saturday, Kevin and I were picked up by his parents to have dinner & a mentalist show with them and some church friends of theirs Tony & Dian. I was looking forward to it, even though we had to haul two bulging sacks of laundry and do them. Speaking of which, I still have to fold a huge bag of clothing, but that's for a bit later.

Anyways we went to see the mentalist, a pretty cool man named Dr Mike. He was pretty amazing at his work; Kevin and his mom were chosen as volunteers. We had some cake and coffee, the standard Lutheran type of fare, but the cake was really good for a box recipe, with vanilla frosting and green sparkly sugar. We all had a nice wedge of it, and chatted, Kevin won a beach bag with some chips, soda, and a kite and some other beachy toys.

Then we had to stay overnight, and it was just kind of an ugly night. Kevin got into a mood over a secret drawer full of rather unsavory and embarassing items, and was disagreeable.
Neither of us could get a good restful sleep- we missed our comfortable bed and just the smell of our home.

We had an argument because Kevin was rather short and rude when I tried to discuss his work. Perhaps it was really my fault, men get testy about their work. I was really distraught; I went up on the loft bed, despite the crawling spider on the ceiling, and looked up directions to walk the 12 miles home at midnight, because well, I just felt so uncomfortable and unhappy. Kevin just turned into his covers on his side, and ignored me pretty much. I admit I acted ugly too; I gave him a sharp kick in the back, and we exchanged hateful remarks. It was more than upsetting. I even printed out directions and snuck out, but something stopped me. That was really because I felt that Kevin didn't even care that I was leaving, and he hadn't even noticed I was gone. I was piqued, and also I didn't want to lock the door behind me in case I had to come back. That would have been a humiliating scene. I also didn't want to leave it unlocked.

So I went back... we had a quiet make up session and stayed up until around almost five am. Then we woke up relievedly about 2 hours later and returned home.

Where we found that our kitten was lost. Thirty minutes of my life were just horrid... I ran about from the house, and outside in the pouring rain, calling for Nelle and crying, waving a sparkly banner stick. It was embarassing and more than that, just so heartbreaking.

Finally I checked my phone, and saw Renee had called a lot. My heart leapt a bit from its drenched state, and I immediately ran upstairs and pounded on the door. Luckily, Renee the Angel had our baby, who had been locked out before we left last night. She must have ran past our feet without our noticing. She spent a warm comfy night in a soft flannel bed, digging vigorously in various large pots, and ate herself rotund on dry food while her parents were upset and distraught by turns.

I was so grateful and teary, Renee and I had coffee and talked.
I've volunteered 55 hours of my time this week for another $100 because I do adore Melanie and Ben is quite a good kid, or could be with some work. It's exhausting to look upon the week to come, but overall, despite all this, I'm just so happy to listen to the rain pouring down all day from my own home and just have my cats and boyfriend safe and sound, even if they do break my heart at times.

It's more than a lot of people have, this kind of weekend.

Weekend

On Saturday, we went for a longish walk. Back and forth, it must have been 2.4 miles at least.

The sun was out, we walked past the wonderful old cemetery that I think of as a proper cemetery. It sounds odd to describe a cemetery as wonderful, I suppose, but it is. I love the old stone walls, slightly uneven, and with tons of greenery growing over it. I love how the grass isn't perfectly trimmed, and the headstones are old and atmospheric, though the original purpose of the headstones of course is somber. But though the stories told on those tombstones are sad, it adds beauty and piquance to the whole scene... time chips away at grief, and removes the rough outer layer, leaving behind a smoothed and beautiful thing.

We bought new curtains, on Liberty and Grant. Lovely Curtain II on 1195 Liberty Ave to be exact, and the ABC Discount Store. We got curtains for the kitchen and bath, the bedroom and the living room, along with three curtain rods. Pale silver and beige and black for the bedroom, nice and discreet with just a touch of elegance. Bathroom and kitchen are one set, a cheerful set of black and white curtains with happy cows on them. And the living room ones are a very exotic light orange shot through with silvery and gold threads. Hopefully they'll set off the pale yellowy-orange walls of the living room.

Anyways it was a lovely day. We had Marguerite come over around 8 on Saturday, and she stayed till Monday... lots of long conversations, fun games, and cheerful dinners. We dyed my hair, and talked talked talked. It was great. I cooked meat loaf one night, with Renee in attendance on Sunday, and for breakfast that day Marguerite cooked us all some lovely scrambled egg and cheese rolls.

I really want to see her again soon...

Changes

It's been a month of many changes, although I suppose it's what's considered to be little things, just tiny seeds of changes blown my way.

One thing that hasn't changed is my owlish behavior, I guess. I still find it the most intriguing time of the day, when all is quiet. Well, nothing is ever all quiet here in the city, but still. The lights are out, except for a few windows in the distance, you can hear a few crickets making pleasant music.

In other words, I still can't sleep early.

Without being cliched, I've begun to change a bit. Not mind bogglingly, but I've met new people, and reconnected with old friends.

I'm happy to be where I am, though there's still bits and pieces of problems that come with day to day life. I can't help but think what a lucky girl I am, even if I have the occasional head to head with Kevin, and the old cloud of depression descends on me from time to time.

Right now I'm a little sad, although we had a nice dinner with our upstairs neighbor Renee. Perhaps it's a bit silly... I just feel like there's beginning to be a new feeling to the household. Ever since I brightened up a bit, started to become more busy and housewifely, doing nearly all the chores by myself and socializing and able to hold my own, I feel like Kevin has become more and more dependent on me being that way.

Today coming down from dinner, I remarked that it was starting to smell in our apartment and that we should change the litter boxes. With four cats, it really should be done regularly... Kevin said decisively to the negative, and despite many pleas (without a touch of acid in my tone, I might add) he refused.

Now he used to be a lot more open and would help me out with chores, but it is as though since he's fulfilling his part of the bargain, which is earning more money and keeping us comfortable, Kevin is suddenly exempt and does not have to keep me company while I do chores. I admit that in the past, I've been lazy and just let him do everything.

I just feel like, I'm still working on myself, I'm trying to be good and I have been good. And I just unloaded my chest today about some private things that I've been keeping to myself because I guess inwardly I didn't want to burden him with. It just seemed so unappreciative and uncaring for him to just fall asleep... it wasn't so much about the chore I did not want to do, but it's going to be our anniversary soon, and I have been doing so well... baby sitting, having guests over, cooking nice dinners, cleaning the house well enough so that it's a pleasure and not an eyesore... he just could have helped me carry the boxes over, kept up a friendly conversation or something.

But Kevin just flopped over on the bed, pulled up the covers in a nice air conditioned bedroom, while I was obviously fuming and sweaty, lugging the smelly excrement filled boxes and cleaning them, hauling out the garbage, washing the dishes, the kitchen. Without even a peep at me.

I understand he's an amazing boyfriend by a lot of standards. So what if he doesn't have a romantic bent and gives excuses as to why he isn't so romantic? So what if he considers the only way a man can show romance is by pulling out his wallet, and spending the contents? He is great. I know. He is faithful, he brings home the paycheck, supports me, provides me with sustenance and the roof over my head. I feel great contentment because of him, I don't have to worry about paying bills.

I guess I just feel that because of these reasons, he's starting to feel exceptional compared to the boyfriends that other women talk about. It's true. And yet, I feel anxious that suddenly he no longer feels obligated to be as supportive, because he really does seem to equate financial stability to happiness and a good relationship.

Maybe that's a bit of an unfair assessment, but it's true.
He'd be the first to deny this, in fact he has... but the seeds of thought are in his mind I know. He thought, I am tired. I have done well this past month, I have been a wonderful boyfriend and it's all adding up. I can let this one little thing lapse.

But he didn't take into account that it hurt me. It may be just this one little time, but it only takes once to start building a habit.
This is a change I just don't want.